[ this is... not something tseng has ever been asked to do before, to speak to his perspective on a d/s relationship. in fact, he hasn't ever even articulated those thoughts to himself, let alone to another person. it feels important that he not fumble, so he's quiet for a long moment to collect and organize his thoughts before he speaks. ]
To begin—I believe that there are nuances to every relationship, and no two will be identical. I also recognize that not all so-called dominants have sufficient respect for their submissives, but such behavior is anathema to me, so I will speak only to what I consider a "good" relationship between a dominant and a submissive.
[ just to clarify. he knows there are some fucks out there who get off on real fear, on being powerful without consideration for the party giving them that power; tseng is not one of them, and he would not do them the honor of including them in his perspective. ]
It is easy to look at a dominant-submissive relationship and think that the dominant party has all the power while the submissive party is powerless entirely. I don't believe this should be true. [ he looks at his glass and rolls it idly between his palms, thinking. ] Of course, there may be an imbalance in physical control during a scene—when one party is restrained, for example, or gagged and unable to speak. But when the relationship has its foundation in mutual trust and respect, and both parties have an understanding of the other's boundaries, then there is an awareness that the dominant has control only because the submissive has afforded it to them, and similarly an awareness that the submissive may revoke that control at any time. I was allowed to make you submit to me because you decided to allow me to dominate you.
[ tseng glances up again, a slight wry smile tugging at his lips. ]
It was for this same reason that I told you that I would stop if you said "stop," even if that isn't your safe word. Until we've built that foundation, and until I understand your boundaries and limitations more clearly, I don't feel that I've earned the right to ignore your protestations.
Is this the sort of perspective you're looking for?
no subject
[ this is... not something tseng has ever been asked to do before, to speak to his perspective on a d/s relationship. in fact, he hasn't ever even articulated those thoughts to himself, let alone to another person. it feels important that he not fumble, so he's quiet for a long moment to collect and organize his thoughts before he speaks. ]
To begin—I believe that there are nuances to every relationship, and no two will be identical. I also recognize that not all so-called dominants have sufficient respect for their submissives, but such behavior is anathema to me, so I will speak only to what I consider a "good" relationship between a dominant and a submissive.
[ just to clarify. he knows there are some fucks out there who get off on real fear, on being powerful without consideration for the party giving them that power; tseng is not one of them, and he would not do them the honor of including them in his perspective. ]
It is easy to look at a dominant-submissive relationship and think that the dominant party has all the power while the submissive party is powerless entirely. I don't believe this should be true. [ he looks at his glass and rolls it idly between his palms, thinking. ] Of course, there may be an imbalance in physical control during a scene—when one party is restrained, for example, or gagged and unable to speak. But when the relationship has its foundation in mutual trust and respect, and both parties have an understanding of the other's boundaries, then there is an awareness that the dominant has control only because the submissive has afforded it to them, and similarly an awareness that the submissive may revoke that control at any time. I was allowed to make you submit to me because you decided to allow me to dominate you.
[ tseng glances up again, a slight wry smile tugging at his lips. ]
It was for this same reason that I told you that I would stop if you said "stop," even if that isn't your safe word. Until we've built that foundation, and until I understand your boundaries and limitations more clearly, I don't feel that I've earned the right to ignore your protestations.
Is this the sort of perspective you're looking for?