（ she reads that over several times, almost as if the words are written in a foreign tongue she can't hope to comprehend. they don't resolve into sentiment until some time after her third pass, and then her mouth presses into a thin, unhappy line.
(it's what she wanted, isn't it? something from him, she'd said.)
so why does she feel guilty and rotten for having gotten him to admit to it? she should feel elated. instead, there's a leaden feeling in her belly and she's beset by a cold that cleaves to her marrow, eerily reminiscent of the claustrophobic pressure of his chakra when he'd used genjutsu to drive a fist through her chest. ）
'Seemed better' to you. Did you ever think about asking me? The whole time we've been in Stygia I've been trying to tell you, we're still teammates and I care about you.
I know I wasn't...
（ that gets sent, though it's an obviously unfinished text. hard to see the enter button when your vision is blurred from tears. moments later, a second follows: ）
I wasn't always kind to you. I didn't think about what you wanted or needed. I was selfish, and I didn't take the time to understand your pain. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me, because I would have given you anything, done anything for you if only you'd stayed and it wasn't enough. But I recognize now that I was making my feelings your responsibility. It wasn't fair of me. I didn't know what I was asking of you back then.
Sasuke, I miss my friend. I miss the person who helped me and protected me. We used to smile together, right? The three of us. We used to joke and laugh, and look out for one-another. I miss that. I've been missing that for more of my life than I even had it.
If you won't, or can't accept my feelings, I'll live with that. But can we just not be strangers to each other after all this time?
no subject
(it's what she wanted, isn't it? something from him, she'd said.)
so why does she feel guilty and rotten for having gotten him to admit to it? she should feel elated. instead, there's a leaden feeling in her belly and she's beset by a cold that cleaves to her marrow, eerily reminiscent of the claustrophobic pressure of his chakra when he'd used genjutsu to drive a fist through her chest. ）
'Seemed better' to you. Did you ever think about asking me? The whole time we've been in Stygia I've been trying to tell you, we're still teammates and I care about you.
I know I wasn't...
（ that gets sent, though it's an obviously unfinished text. hard to see the enter button when your vision is blurred from tears. moments later, a second follows: ）
I wasn't always kind to you. I didn't think about what you wanted or needed. I was selfish, and I didn't take the time to understand your pain. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me, because I would have given you anything, done anything for you if only you'd stayed and it wasn't enough. But I recognize now that I was making my feelings your responsibility. It wasn't fair of me. I didn't know what I was asking of you back then.
Sasuke, I miss my friend. I miss the person who helped me and protected me. We used to smile together, right? The three of us. We used to joke and laugh, and look out for one-another. I miss that. I've been missing that for more of my life than I even had it.
If you won't, or can't accept my feelings, I'll live with that. But can we just not be strangers to each other after all this time?