chokuto

（ he marks that spot with a mental note to pay it additional care after they're done, but for now simply continues to twist and flex his fingers open within the heat of sasuke's body. when the boy squirms, though, cy shifts with him to give him a little more freedom, moving his left leg to free the boy's knees from beneath it. somehow, he makes the awkward disentangling of limbs seem graceful.

his fingers drive in deeper, the third slipped in now even though he knows it will offer a faint stretch of discomfort it's certainly no worse than what else sasuke has accepted from his hand tonight. his right knee is slightly lifted so that there's something for sasuke to brace against, and his right hand retreats from its tender ministrations elsewhere on sasuke's body to add more lube which he massages in with his fingers. ）

I'm glad. Thank you for telling me. It means a lot to me, sharing something like this with you and seeing how it affects you.

（ one final flex of his hand and then, deeming sasuke to be adequately prepared, he simply hefts him up astride his lap, pulling the boy's thighs to either side of his hips. it'll be the easiest way for sasuke to get what he'd asked for, because cy can hold him like this, dig his hands in against the swell of building bruises and lower him down.

he could undress, using the void to make short work of his clothing — but he finds he's kinda into the dichotomy of sasuke's bare, flushed skin and his own dark slacks, so he leaves well enough alone for now, merely dropping one hand between them as he steadies the boy with the other, working his pants open and easing his trapped cock out (commando again, mostly because 'cleaning his room' had resulted in a perilous lack of clean underwear??)

if sasuke had reason to doubt him before, if he'd wanted proof of how much his tolerance, acceptance, enjoyment of pain affects him — surely the state of his cock will lay it all to rest. it's almost painfully hard, throbbing to the touch, weeping at the slit so heavily he barely has to slick a lubed-up hand around it to ease its eventual penetration into his ass.

he guides sasuke to the approximate place he needs to ease down onto it, and then — ）

Here, hold my cock steady. I'll support you. （ his hands slip around to sasuke's ass, taking his weight with an inhuman ease, fingers digging in against all those tender little places he'd laid down on him only minutes before. ） Let me know when you're ready to go and I'll lower you down. （ he leans in to nip at sasuke's bottom lip playfully. ） Slowly. I'm really not gonna last long, so I want to make it count for all five fucking times I'm gonna be able to slide into your perfect ass.

[Three fingers, so quickly, is tolerated despite the burn of the stretch, despite his inexperience, that he doesn't touch himself much now outside of these times with Cy because it can't compare — and he breathes through it at a steady rhythm. He likes knowing that Cy is preparing him for this. It was not promised tonight, but he knew he would pursue sex in some capacity and he's eager in a way that's new, that comes from having done this once before. A craving for the memory of what it felt like to be wrapped around Cy's cock. It's easy and practiced as he's maneuvered into that straddling position, claiming the man's lap like a throne.

At the sound of fabric and teeth of a zipper, Sasuke's eyes slip south and then hang on the sight. His throat works around a dry, stuck swallow. Hunger eats itself alive inside of him to find Cy so hard, the dark flush of his dick crowned with so much slick, pearly precome. And that — all because of him. What he allowed Cy to do.

There's no hesitation. He wants it inside of him badly. Sex with Cy feels so effortless somehow, like it was something he was made to do.

Supported both by Cy's aid and the strength of his own body held up on bent knees, Sasuke takes the wet line of that cock and, with only a hiccup at the tender dig of fingers into abused flesh, rubs the tip up against the rim of his hole. He presses back when Cy kisses his lips, then,] Okay, [comes rasped between them, urging Cy to lower him down to a full seat.] Do it. I want it.

（ he leans in, canting his head against sasuke's, chin hooked over his shoulder as he does as asked. sasuke gets lowered down with aching, inexorable slowness. he's in complete control of the descent, and as it happens he just nuzzles against him, kisses at his shoulder rather than peppering him with the usual sharp press of his teeth.

he keeps his hips steady, doesn't rut against the boy or otherwise move until sasuke is fully seated across his lap, flush against him with the spear of his cock disappeared inside him.

he breathes out in a stutter, the muscles of his stomach drum-taut with the effort of not just blowing his load immediately, and while he keeps one had wedged between sasuke's ass and his thighs, the other he peels back so he can wrap it around the boy's shoulders and just pull him in close. it feels a little like a promise, an unspoken oath, the genesis of which has stepped beyond human understanding. ）

[It's so much. Like the first time, there's that breathtaking moment of fullness — where his body has made space for another's in a union so unbearably intimate he wants, instinctively, to put his face down into Cy's neck just to bear it. He resists, head turned instead to rub his cheek against Cy's in a way that will drag across rough stubble and put every fluttery breath in the man's ear. With thighs compressed, and with Cy's strong hands steadying him, he gives up all control and only wraps his right arm around broad shoulders in turn for balance.

He doesn't think he will ever get tired of this sensation. He couldn't possibly. It's even more intense than the last time he took Cy's cock, because his ass is still warm and stinging, and they haven't spent an extended amount of time stretching him or relaxing him through orgasms. It makes this feel — rawer, his body tighter, driven by desperation to come for how long he's been kept hard and untended.

Yet Sasuke doesn't reach down to touch himself. The most he allows is a push of hips, cock dragging across Cy's shirt. The contrast of bare flesh to the fabric of clothing is strangely erotic, as though he's become what Cy has called him on previous occasions, a slut or a whore used for pleasure.]

Cy, [gasped out, scratchy. Cy, Cy, Cy — all he hears, feels, thinks, cares about in the world.] Come inside of me?

（ five thrusts, it seems, had been ambitious of him. every time sasuke talks like that, skirting the lines of his own comfort with that factual, crass language it's like a stab of warming lust — his shoulders shiver, and he can feel the building crest of an ache in his balls that makes holding off fucking hard— ）

I will, sweetheart. Ask me properly.

（ he says it as he lifts the boy up a few scant inches, and this time on lowering him down rolls his hips so his dick slides newly against sasuke's prostate with a flex of his pelvic muscles. it's taking a not-inconsiderable amount of his hard-won restraint not to just do as he's asked, but what can he say? he likes it when sasuke begs him for it. ）

[It feels like he might come from this too. It wouldn't take long, just enough of Cy's cock grazing his prostate at that perfect angle a few more times — pleasure slamming through him like a wall, electricity wired to nerves, thighs beginning to spasm with the effort not to fight Cy's hold on him and do it himself. He wants it harder, wants that friction and pressure and heat, wants to feel the rush of Cy's orgasm fill him up.

Breathing raggedly, his arm firms in its loop around Cy's shoulders and he bears down hard on Cy's dick, purposefully tight as a fist. Tighter, against the jolting ache up his spine.]

Will you come inside of me? [are the broken, rasping words. And for the first time between them, so quiet it might slip in the air and dissipate —] Please.

（ you know, he'd kinda meant sir.

but he's not going to offer correction, especially the way that plea is just spilled out in the air between them, soft sentiment laid bare. he can feel the clench of sasuke's body all around him, driving him to the precipice and it would be easy, so easy to just let go and fall into the rising tide of it, but —

— but he stops, just for a moment. shifts his hand to sasuke's cheek, and he leans in to kiss him. a soft lick into his mouth, the taste of his tongue, the shared oxygen on their breath. it's both instant and eternity.

after that, release comes easy. everything tightens, caught at that fracture-point of pleasure, and slacks off, and cy is left holding onto sasuke as tightly as a man clings to a shipwreck in a storm. aftershocks of orgasm seize him in tiny little tremors that shiver all the way through him, and though he doesn't remember moving his hands at all he's got both arms wound around the boy, one hand cupping the back of his head, fingers in a loose twist of his hair, and the other is simply holding him tightly enough to bruise.

he's panting wetly against the crook of sasuke's shoulder, and can only find it in himself to murmur: ）

Fuck. Wow.

[He likes being held like that, in such a tight embrace it feels permanent — cradled so closely he can hear the rhythm of Cy's heart beating against his own chest. The grip aches, a little, in a good way. The kiss leaves him breathless, absorbed in its tenderness and then overwhelmed by the sensation of being filled as Cy comes. His knees clench and he bears down on Cy through to the end of it. He wants everything. He wants to feel every twitch, every jolt of muscle, as Cy's cock begins to soften inside of him.

Movement restricted, Sasuke still manages to tip his cheek to the top of Cy's head where it is cradled at his neck. The sensation of humid air on skin shivers through him.]

Mm.

[Let him stay like this forever, and it might be enough.]

（ he doesn't actually know how long it takes for him to collect all the little fractals of a mind spun like sugar on roaring pleasure, but — long enough. he exhales in a bracing gust, and then peels himself back just a little so he can look at the kid and brush dark hair back from his forehead and away from those mismatched eyes. half of him wants to collapse into a boneless heap and just take sasuke with him — but the other half knows the job's not done. ）

Gimme a sec. I need to figure out where I dropped the high functioning aftercare region of my brain. Christ. Fuck.

（ he groans audibly and thumps his forehead down against sasuke's shoulder with a slouch of his spine. ）

Did you even come? （ omg??? he sounds Worried, Actually. he's a bad dom for coming first 🥺🥺🥺 ） I lost the fucking plot.

[Apparently, his ability to emote anything close to humor emerges clearest when he's one-upped someone — or, in this case, made Cy come with a vengeance. There's a quiet little heh from where his own face is tucked neatly against the side of Cy's head. Then pulled back, blinking at Cy's face.]

Didn't you say it yourself? It's not transactional.

[So, no, he didn't, but he's luxuriating in the heat of Cy's body wrapped around him, tucked inside of him. His cock is pressed in the seal of their bodies and muffled by Cy's shirt. If he focuses on it too long, it'll tug him away to distraction.]

Was it that good?

Edited 2024-02-13 03:12 (UTC)

Oh, you do not get to put that back on me, you little fucker.

（ he sounds not the least bit actually upset or annoyed, it's more just — fond, warm sentiment delivered on the palms of profanity. but there is an orgasm ratio to be maintained here, thank you!! he does settle, though, pressing soothing little kisses against what he can reach of sasuke's shoulder, and tracing nonsensical sigils on him with one lazy hand. ）

It was perfect. Having you naked and fucked out for me like this, I can feel the heat of your slapped ass through my fucking slacks. （ he heaves a sigh, and then straightens up so he can press a kiss against sasuke's forehead. ） My perfect little slut, you do dangerous things to my dick.

[Can he be blamed? Reducing a man who is over ten millennia old, who has bedded countless others, to that level of gratification — the rush is unspeakable, a heady sense of power akin to the closest victories he's won on the battlefield.

Sasuke hums, eyes closed beneath the gentle trace of fingers and unperturbed by that profanity. It is the latter words that earn a more significant reaction; he shudders, shifting to unfold legs and wrap them properly around Cy's waist on the bed. The kiss to his brow unveils a naked expression, arousal vibrant in mismatched eyes echoed by my perfect little slut.]

I'm only as good as I was taught.

[So, really, this is all Cy's fault.]

（ sasuke gets a crooked smile, but the sentiment is just — soft, easy love.

cy leans back, hands skirting from sasuke's hips down his thighs and back behind himself in a moment that almost seems like a careen into physical restraint, the flex and bend of his shoulders giving the briefest suggestion of bound hands before his touch settles on sasuke's ankles and stay there. ）

I think I'm gonna need another demonstration.

（ sasuke's been struggling to get himself off. he can tell it drives the boy to frustration and self-directed annoyance, this feeling of not being good enough that lists into personal apathy.

so: ）

Jerk yourself off for me. I want to watch you.

（ it's not quite the same as flying solo. cy's cock isn't quite out of the game yet, and an upward flex of his hips rekindles its flagging interest — his refractory period isn't anything to sneeze at, either. but he thinks the problem isn't necessarily that sasuke can't get himself off alone, and more that he's not gentle enough with his body to make it anything but a ruthless pursuit — that the issue is more that he doesn't know how to welcome pleasure into himself when there's no one and nothing else to administer it. ）

I want you to take it easy, and gentle. Just listen to my voice. （ his thumbs stroke at sasuke's ankles, slow circles around the little jut of that delicate bone. ） Wrap your hand around the base. Close your eyes. What's your body telling you?

[He watches, honed into every movement Cy makes, drawn to the flex of strong shoulders behind a back until that touch drives a stuttered breath loose. It's not restrictive, but there is a sense of... containment, in the way his ankles are held in those warm hands.

Then Cy's instruction consumes his whole world — and while he does not experience embarrassment, what he feels is some close cousin. Set into the frame of being observed, that expectation threatens to ride down on him in a fury for the pressure it creates in light of what he's shared, how he's struggled. In a concentrated effort to tame it, Sasuke breathes. Closes his eyes. Listens, tries to trust.

His right hand lowers, settling at the base of his cock where it's still swollen and flushed against his belly, focused on the sensation of Cy's cock still cradled inside of his body — betraying himself when the first shape of fingers a tight fist.]

That it's not enough.

[The sentiment is like a thorn, a piece of glass. The way he strokes himself drags, even done slowly, made more into punishment than pleasure.]

（ he keeps his hands where they are in self-imposed exile, but the gentle whisper of the pads of his thumbs across sasuke's skin — a rare place on him that isn't scarred — persists. ）

Easy, sweetheart, easy. I've got you. Grab the lube, slick yourself up. It's okay if you fail, I'll help if it's too much. But I want you to try, okay? Just listen to me and try.

（ sasuke obeys him, and there's a glimmer of frustration in his sharp movements. but it's still progress, and once he's done as he was bid cy tells him to again close his eyes.

then, in a voice that's soft, with a storyteller's lilt — ）

All your life, your body's been a weapon. You can stand pleasure with me because it's something that you feel you're being given, not something you're taking from yourself, from me. But I can tell you right now that if you could see the way you're holding your cock right now, if you were touching me like that you'd be furious at yourself. There's nothing gentle in it. You're being cruel to yourself because you don't know how to be kind, because strength has only come from pain, and pleasure culled from battle. But it's okay. Every part of you is something precious to me. I want you to carry that, and I know you can take it. Loosen your fingers up. Your hand feels good, the way the callouses add a texture to the way the skin of your cock slides beneath it. Chase that feeling all the way up to the head of your cock, drag your index finger against the crown, up enough your grip stutters. Slip your hand up and over the head, twist your wrist a bit as you go so the friction works against the glans. Squeeze, think about my mouth on you. Remember how you came for me back then? I could've sat there for hours just worshipping your cock on the altar of my tongue.

（ his tone is so achingly far away, tender in a way even sasuke rarely hears from him. ）

You don't have to feel like you deserve it. That comes later. For now, trust that I say you do. You've trusted me with every part of yourself so far, so give me that, too. Your body is beautiful, you deserve to treat it that way when you're with me, when you're alone. I want you to. I want you to reach into yourself and find just the smallest spark, some thread of pleasure, and grasp it, and pull until it unravels. C'mon, ma petite flamme, surrender yourself and let me catch you.

[It's so much. The lubricant helps. It's so much — the words that come out of Cy's mouth, falling over him like a cool rain, carrying him from one moment to the next. He can't concentrate, lost somewhere between the smoother glide of his hand on his aching cock and the things that Cy is saying to him.

Just listen to me and try. So he tries, and he listens.

There was a time, not long ago, where he would have recoiled from what Cy says to him, where his whole body would have flinched from it like a blow to the gut. And he would have used his safeword to get Cy away from him, to eliminate the softness of touch and compassion and sentiment sheltering itself in this space between them. He would have wanted to be alone. And there was a time, only a little more than a year ago, where he would have tried ruthlessly to kill this tender thing between them. He doesn't deserve this now; it is a thought that soars high in his mind, preeminent, occupying so much of his self-identity and his life prior to this place. Prior to Cy.

And so quickly, Cy snuffs it. You don't have to feel like you deserve it. All those words, all of that fondness given to him. The shudder wracks through his body, and his hand falls loose around his cock when the first wave of emotion comes. This time humiliation bends swiftly in because the room isn't dark, Cy will be able to see the first silent tears that gather on dark lashes — and he can't believe this would happen again in such a short period of time.

What is wrong with him?

The gasp for air breaks out, weight put forward into Cy's chest to hide himself, curling — seeking protection with the desperation of a child who never had it.]

（ he sees it. the attempt, the shift, the dam that cracks, and cracks, and breaks, and he's not surprised when sasuke cleaves in against him, pressed in close. tears come, but sobs don't follow — a learned reflex, from a world that has beaten it into him: any weakness you have, any kindness you show is only a knife you give an enemy to hold at your throat.

how long did it take him to perfect the art of crying without a fucking sound? doubtless it was done to revoke even the faintest possibility of being heard, of being hurt.

cy traces the line of the boy's legs, back to his hips, up against his back. he just holds him. no cracks, no quips, no commentary. just patient and understanding, one hand lifted a little higher just to stroke at his hair. he holds him until his breath steadies, until the tremble of his thighs is keyed down to nearly nothing, until the salt-slick tears have dried with a bit of an itchy sheen against his skin.

when he does speak, it's a quiet murmur of sound, barely audible even in the hush of the room. ）

I used to think I could never lay my hands on myself, on another person ever again. The thought of coming made me sick. Every time I closed my eyes I saw — （ well, that part doesn't matter. there is a brief, winnowing meadow of silence and then he carries on: ） — it took a long time to get me there. Even the thought of seeing the contrast of my hand on someone's skin, it just — （ he exhales. it's not steady. ） I think I could've gone the rest of my life without finding solace in someone else if I hadn't met the right person at the right time for me. He'd been a prisoner of war. （ that fucking thing, again. war, like a drumbeat in his head, in his heart, stitched into his soul. there is a spike of howling rage in him, because he hates it so much it has almost consumed him, burnt him down to ash, and somehow it hasn't been enough. ） He'd been hurt in ways I was familiar with. Everything that'd been done to him, I'd done to someone else. The scars were fucking awful, and I used to have nightmares that I was the one that put them there. But he'd had — time to live with himself after, and I was still so raw with it. I don't know how else to explain it, except to say he put me back in my body. He wouldn't let me hate myself. He made me face it down. The shame, the horror, the hate, and he broke something in me doing that. And then he fixed it.

（ he buffets sasuke just a little closer, because he can feel the nascent pressure of tears building behind his eyes, and while he doesn't take issue with crying he still wants to wipe his eyes. he's lost fragments of that love over the years, but the grief of its loss is still a wound. ）

I don't remember his name. But I remember what he did for me. （ lightly: ） Long winded way of saying I did my fair share of crying too. It's okay, Sasuke. Every step forward echoes, and builds, and ripples outwards.

[The episode is quiet, subdued, and eventually his tears cease where he's folded into Cy's arms, mind lying in that bruised and vulnerable aftermath — listening to the rhythm of Cy's voice as it takes him away from the self-inflicted misery of his own thoughts.

It hurts to hear what Cy describes. It hurts, and it helps. He feels some desperate urge to find the man's name for Cy, to reach into that ancient ocean of memory and fish it out, but not without permission, no matter how badly he wishes to do something for Cy in return for all that Cy has done, is doing, for him. And at the same time builds that cold terror of losing this man who has become so irrefutably significant in such a short period of time — he does not ever want to give Cy up. It will destroy him.

Voice thready with breath, Sasuke finally speaks.]

He didn't forget you. [That man. That prisoner of war.] And I never will, either.

[It seems that just as that person came to Cy at the correct time, Cy has walked into his life the same — war's entity reflecting humanity back at him.]

I don't mind if you forget me one day. It's not your fault. I knew that when I first asked you to find me.

Edited (why did i repeat myself) 2024-02-13 21:57 (UTC)

I know.

（ humans struggle to comprehend the timeline. the concept of a millennium is almost beyond what a person can fathom as time lived, spent, sold.

cy keeps stroking at his hair, stopping any time he hits a snarl in the silken strands that needs to be worked through. ）

I'll carry your memory as long as I can, though. You need to know that, too.

[A nod, felt when he puts his head in against Cy's, right hand hunting around for the man's own in a familiar braid of fingers. Then he brings the handhold between them, palm still tacky with lubricant, trying to coax their joined grasp around his cock where it has flagged against the soft inner skin of a thigh.

It doesn't feel strange to transition between the emotional depth of conversation to this, a physical need. Perhaps because both are so intertwined, so intrinsic to one another — Cy has now seen him more vulnerable than anyone. And the language they share is easily communicated with his body.]

Will you do it with me, this time?

Of course, sweetheart.

（ sasuke asks him for almost nothing — but when he reaches into the depths of himself and pulls out a plea, cy will never stop letting him know that the answer is always immediate and affirmative. equally as much — he's determined to never tell sasuke you don't have to ask. all that would do is tell him that the work he did to get here isn't seen.

their joined hands bracket sasuke's cock, and cy leads the dance for now, coaxing back some of the stiffness it lost in the torrential shift of emotion. he lets the shaft nestle in the cradle of their fingers more than their palms, which means that when either of them flex their fingers the grip is an uroboros of sensation swallowing them both down. the lube eases the contact, and the close contact of his shirt is an occasional interjection when their grip lists one way or another.

cy is back to slouching, pressing an open mouth against the artery at the side of sasuke's neck, closing his teeth but not quite biting. between that, and softer kisses, and nips at the lobe of his ear, the sensations are never twice the same. ）

You want me hard for you again? Wouldn't take much.

[He is rigid again in moments, buoyed by the tenderness of that endearment as well as Cy's artful touches, fingers knitted in an act of intimacy that cuts the air from his lungs with every ragged breath. Cock swollen and sensitive to every drag on tender flesh, precome beads at the slit in a refreshed trickle of wetness. On an upward pull, he feels a caress smear it over the crown of the head — making his body jolt where it sits astride Cy's lap.]

Yes.

[Reminding him, as if he could forget for a second, that Cy is still inside of his ass. Muscles clench all down both thighs, looking for the intrusion of a dick that has kept him open this whole time despite tears and reassurances and confessions. Overeager hips bear down with the intent to stir Cy back to full arousal.]

（ the clench helps, the shift, the way sasuke asks him — it's an easy feeling to sink into, to accept into himself, to enjoy. he makes a soft noise, and drops his free hand to sasuke's hip, fingers curling beneath the seat of his ass — the boy weighs nearly nothing to him despite a solid frame and well-honed muscle, so it's easy enough to help encourage him to lift just slightly and then pull him back down, hard. harder than they've done so far, than earlier gentleness allowed. he's already mostly there, buoyed by the slick of his own spent orgasm inside the boy and the remains of the tacky lube that eased prior passage. the heat of the earlier blows is still radiating from him like a fever, and —

if they'd done this more than once before, if they were more than just exploring the nascency of a relationship, maybe he'd slap him again, palm curved in against already reddened skin. but — for now, the only thing he does is flex his fingers into the little hurt of it all, and respond to the rock of sasuke's hips with an upward shift of his own. ）

Just so you know, you're cleaning my shirt later.

（ is the playful little threat, not uttered seriously. it's simply an expression of desire, that that will be the end goal of their engagement. he wants to be messy, wants sasuke to get off, wants, wants. ）

[Timed with the rough pull down into Cy's lap, his voice jars from his throat in a low sound — hungry as much for the handling as he is the sharp jolts of fingers that flex over red, abused flesh. The mix of those two pleasures, of Cy's cock against the sore spot of nerves and the flare of heat where he was hit, becomes an intoxicant not easily shaken. Its potency clouds his head. Lean legs wrap themselves around Cy's hips, ankles locked, using core muscle to meet every rejoining of bodies, trying to ride himself down on Cy's dick with the dedicated enthusiasm of stamina.

And between them, where their laced handhold continues to stroke at his cock, every touch shared by this physical intimacy — he finds that it takes no time at all to climb to the apex of orgasm. Made more primal by the fact he can feel how slick it is inside as Cy fucks him and he knows this is not only lube, that it is Cy's come, and he craves it again. And again. And again.

Cy's words come through to him in a blissed haze, met with — impossibly — a ragged, breathless laugh, closer to that free expression of emotion than he's been yet.

Then there's nothing else but sensation. Sasuke does not take long to drench their fingers in his own seed, what little is cupped by their hands soaking the front of Cy's shirt as promised.]

Okay, so, laughter reserved for me making exceptionally hilarious comments while dicking you down? Noted, noted.

（ it's said playfully, murmured against the pale column of sasuke's throat just after the orgasm is yielded out of his body's bleak tension. cy, by that anchoring hand, sort of rocks sasuke's body against the spear of his cock, but it's less about coming and more about hitting the kid with those delicious little aftershocks of overstimulation — not more than he can stand, but enough. ）

You good, sweetheart?

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there is so much crying in his future

😏😏😏 (also, uh, cw: war horrors/torture/gore allusions)

i know my emotions are in danger when i see that cw

lmaoooo it does always mean a Certain Sort of Way, huh

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