chokuto

It would've felt like someone that I care about, who I already know is used to handling these sorts of things alone, trusted me in a vulnerable moment. I wouldn't have thought it was manipulation, or something pathetic. It's okay to need me, or want company, or to be selfish with my time.

（ his other hand seeks sasuke's out, and just curls around his fingers, holding him. ）

I would've found a way to make it work for you. I would've wanted to.

[He tries not to take too quick of a breath; it helps to have Cy's palm there over the injury, steadying him, keeping bone in place. But the force of the emotion is intense — it runs over him like a river, face tucked further down into the sanctity of Cy's shoulder, inhaling the scent of his skin, indulging in the warmth. Three days isn't a long time, but he missed this. Every night.]

It didn't feel right to ask for that. You said someone was in danger. [Fingers fold tight over Cy's own, knuckles whitened from the pressure.] ... And you were going to be with them for a while.

[Excavating this admission, stark and obvious as it is already, is hard.]

I was jealous. I didn't want to be, but I was.

It wasn't up to you to make that decision without me. Whether it was wrong or right. Part of having a partnership with someone is talking these things out.

（ he strokes at the back of sasuke's knuckles with his thumb, not minding the strength of the grip. it's just a soft, grounding reminder that the words aren't said in anger, that his reaction isn't going to be punitive, that there won't be a withdrawal of withholding of affection as a retaliation. ）

It's okay to be jealous. That's a human emotion, it's going to be something we have to deal with from time to time just because of how this place is set up. I know it sucks to stand it, but it's better talked about than buried.

[Some of the tension eases out of him like poison leached from a wound — all for the sake of putting voice behind thoughts that have piled up the last few days.]

I'm sorry. [This in a ragged exhale, but it's meant.] It's new to me. A partnership.

[As Cy knows.]

I can't say this is the only time I'll make a mistake like this. I don't want to, but — it's all I've known. So, if you change your mind, about being with me... I'd understand that too.

Don't say that again, please.

（ his voice is quiet, but it's underlaid with steel. ）

I've already chosen you. What was that you said, 'my attention isn't so shallow'? Yeah. There's nothing you can do that's unfixable. When we run into issues like this, we talk about it, and we move forward. I'd never write off knowing you because of a mistake that comes from nowhere else but just — not having experience.

（ he lifts sasuke's hand, and presses his lips against the back of it. ）

We good?

[A nod, more physically felt than seen where his face is stuffed against a broad shoulder. Then he lifts his head, seeking Cy's dark eyes.]

Yes. [We're good. His fingers twitch, loosened from their bloodless clutch, thumb grazing Cy's lower lip.] I missed you.

[Three days isn't long — but it had felt like it.]

Edited 2024-03-10 22:18 (UTC)

I missed you too.

（ it doesn't just sound like a reciprocal statement. there is genuine truth there — he may struggle with the perception of time in a broadly general sense, but he's gotten used to having sasuke in his space, and that absence was an ache.

someone, somewhere would probably call this co-dependency. he recognizes his own tendency to form intense bonds that can shake the foundation of the earth, things that are fire-bright and meteoric, and that often end in death. he recognizes that, and yet he's still here. ）

Saw that book. Studying French?

[It thaws the remainder of that worry, shifts the tangled strands of doubt into clearer lines — that one mistake won't spell any undoing, and Cy cares about him enough to navigate the problems that arise between them. He can't recall the last time he'd had an argument that did not become explosive and misunderstood, that was not instead solved either through cold dismissiveness or the end of a fist.

The point of his chin nudges Cy's collar as he tries to sit up.]

Yes. Properly, since you said that I was cheating. [Which he would still argue — what is so wrong about using his own learned ability to get ahead? Still, there's satisfaction in this, the rudimentary process of only a book and a pencil and his mind.]

Je veux, [mindful of injury he leans closer, accented voice drawling] a kiss. ... I don't know the French word for it.

I don't really care if you cheat. I was just teasing you in the moment.

（ but who is he to turn away that attention? sasuke slots himself closer, asking for a kiss in a way that gentles all the tension of the last half hour out of them. ）

'Un baiser'. You can also say 'bisou'. Both are nouns. Embrasse is the verb. 'To kiss'. I want to kiss you too. Je veux aussi t'embrasser.

（ they settle into that. the interplay, sasuke testing out new words and accepting gentle correction or guidance. given the state of his injuries, cy's not willing to go much further than just kissing alone, but it proves to be a good way to spend the afternoon — and by the time evening bleeds into night, the air is lighter. ）

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(soft handwaves)