chokuto

And the other gods, the ones who did this to you? What happened to them?

( if you are planning your revenge, dig two graves. he doesn't know if he'd kill iantha if he had a chance, but to neatly solve for that paradox of emotional trauma he's just refused to be in the same room as her for roughly nine millennia.

could he sacrifice a world and its peoples in the name of vengeance?

probably not, but half the battle, when dealing with addiction, is removing the temptation in the first place. )

idk. presumably they're out there doing god things.

mysteriously, i do not get invited to the family reunions.

[What does he say after Cyram was willing to share that?

Does he even trust it? He has no reason to. Yet it doesn't feel like a lie, and nothing this man has done feels particularly malicious. Still—he's admitted himself that his brain is damaged.]

I didn't actually think you would answer.

[just say thank you????]

What is it that you do, if not 'god things'? In your dimension.

fuck, man, what DON'T i do. shorter list.

rn i'm a civil engineer. math's a constant, so anything that uses it is p easy to pick up.

i play most instruments and write music. i am PISSED that i don't have a fucking guitar, im gonna start tanning human skin to make a drumset if left to my own devices much longer*

*my skin, it's a renewable free range resource

anyway that's p much it.

i like ppl, so it's not rly abt what i do, it's who i meet along the way, u know?

[What a normal list. And he likes people? Cannot relate.

Time to be overdramatic about this, because it's been a rough fucking week and something has to tip him over the edge.]

I see. Your outlook is surprisingly carefree despite what you've endured.

If we meet again, don't approach me.

okay h/o actually im calling in my honest answer credit.

why not?

（ suffer 😌 ）

Edited (i know words) 2024-01-10 03:03 (UTC)

[this is an anime betrayal????]

Right now?

well if i respect ur wishes and leave u alone i wouldn't get another shot, would i? as good a time as any.

[ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

Then again, maybe this confession will further enforce the distance between them. If nothing else it means this card can't be pulled on him at a more crucial time. What is a little humiliation, after everything else he's endured?]

I asked if you'd seen me before. Do you remember? [An important question, bearing Cy's condition in mind.] I did that because I was trying to determine if you were also experiencing this.

I've been having dreams. About you.

（ well, aight. ）

important q how was dream-me hung

Shut up.

[can he block someone on his Watch]

nah, you're right, dick move. shouldn't have said that. wasn't trying to throw the honesty back in your face.

look, for what it's worth i think it's probably just a side effect of this stupid system. i wouldn't do anything, anyway. big on consent 👍🏻

if you're worried.

I wasn't worried. [Or maybe he was? His mind feels too tangled, lately, around everything.] I just don't know why it's you.

[There were other people—but Cyram has been the most frequent haunting.]

I won't play this game, no matter what they do to me.

（ well, that's a macabre lightbulb moment over here. he'd assumed trauma — but it's not the sort he was considering. he does remember, with a clarity that's alarming in his mind, the press of the kid's bloodied fingers against his chest and realizes his reluctance is actually borne of desire and the self-denial to accept it.

there are things he could say. lectures about how suffering for pride gets you nowhere and leaves you with nothing at the end. there are offers he could make, or promises, or jokes.

instead, he just remembers how strongly something in this boy had called kulo vayn out of the depths of his ruined mind, and swallows it down. ）

well, sometimes that's the right move.

i'm sorry. for what it's worth, i hope you don't have to.

[He doesn't know what to say to that. He stares down at the words as if he was expecting something different, for Cyram to tell him that he's making a mistake, that this is all for naught, that it is futile to continue struggling. Would it have helped?

Two days ago he woke in a cold sweat, feeling like a thousand crows were sitting on top of him, staring down at him with red eyes, poking him with clawed feet.

Yesterday he went to take a shower and saw his dead brother in the mirror.

Three hours ago, he laid his head down and dreamed, vividly, of straddling Cyram's bloody chest with a short sword jutting out of it.

Is he losing his mind? The worst part is he can't even take the Watch off; it sits, heavy on his wrist, those words staring up at him. So it's the only reason he replies, even if the message is short.]

Don't apologize.

[He'll stop responding at this point.]

hey mr bossypants stop ordering me around i am CANADIAN apologizing is my BIRTHRIGHT and not even my mom tells me what to do.

but aight.

i'll keep my distance for the time being. u ever wanna talk, just hit me up.

（ look he doesn't even expect a reply at this point okay ）

[what is a canadian]

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cw for whatever this is, idk how to warn. (cy things)

cy wtf actually

jazz hands

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cw weird uchiha shit idk it's my turn

why are they like this actually

🤡