chokuto

[The touch is soothing, and once they're wrapped in that familiar tangle of limbs on the bed, the last of the adrenaline drains out of him — he feels safe, tucked into Cy's arms like this. Enough that his thoughts wander with his voice.]

Perhaps. I never thought of it that way... how ordinary people might perceive the shinobi around them. Most of my experiences with being known came from the infamy of my clan, even more when it was gone.

[He looks for Cy's face, Cy's dark eyes, damp hair pushed back to reveal his own in their mismatched color.]

Those years were peaceful. But they were bought by my brother's life, so even now it's difficult to feel grateful for them.

（ he leans in and presses a kiss to sasuke's forehead, and then tips his chin upwards for another, tasting the honeyed lozenge on his tongue. ）

What happened with your brother wasn't fair to either of you. It's natural to feel conflicted about what peace you were given in those years.

（ one hand lifts to cup at sasuke's cheek. there's a bit of a tremor to his hand, the come-down from scene's stressors, that calms once contact is made. ）

I always hated the idea that you should feel nothing but gratitude for someone else's sacrifice when you're the one that has to live with it.

（ it wasn't the same for him, on abbrenon. the girl who died there wasn't someone he was close to, just someone who had a strong sense of justice and righteousness, who believed in standing up for her ideals, and was killed for it. but he remembers iantha murmuring to him that he should respect the sacrifice he never asked for, and be grateful. it would be all the worse for sasuke, given the context of his culture and the deep wounds that love leaves there — he won't pretend he understands, just that he's not ignorant. ）

[Breath flickers between their lips at the end of the kiss; he moves the lozenge with his tongue, clicking it against his teeth.]

You're right. It's what I resented the most.

[That expectation of gratitude, that he should honor Itachi's memory by following his decisions — that he should feel any love or loyalty for the village that had driven Itachi to death. It wasn't worth it. Not to him, when he'd had no choice but to bear the consequences of loss, left alone.

Sasuke's right hand covers the one on his cheek, braiding their fingers together and leaning into the cup of the palm.]

You remind me of him at times. Perhaps I'm looking for those signs, but I don't think so. He was a good man like you, forced to do terrible things. Only he turned it into a calculated purpose. Another mission, even if it meant he would lose his humanity in the process.

（ some awareness shivers into being, and settles over him like a shroud. his eyes search sasuke's briefly, focus swinging between the boy's unusual eyes — and then cy kisses the corner of his mouth and then the tangle of sasuke's fingers in his. ）

It's not unusual to be drawn to people who share traits with those we loved most when we were young. It's... — your mind can anticipate how those people will react, how they'll behave or treat you to a certain extent, and that familiarity creates a sense of safety. Sometimes it comes from a place of trauma, such as when the traits are toxic or harmful. There's a saying on earth — 'better the devil you know than the one you don't.'

（ earlier in their relationship he might have paused to stress that he's not implying their relationship is the result of toxicity or abuse — but he knows that sasuke will understand he is only slipping into a generalization, a reason to explain other behaviours that sasuke might see or be exposed to in the resort. ）

How are you feeling?

[Perhaps the memory of Itachi is powerful in that moment, because he's spoken it to being — but even the gentle, thorough, instructive way Cy speaks is another little tug at the frayed thread of familiarity, to a version of his brother that once existed a lifetime ago. The one who taught him how to be a shinobi when he was a child. Foundational memories, unearthed after so many years repressed in his mind by the taint of hatred.

A slow nod. He pushes his face into Cy's warm shoulder, listening to the slow beat of a heart. He understands what is meant without it being clarified.]

Good. [It comes out honestly, the scene having worn him down to a bed of contentment.] Better than good. I never imagined something like that could feel so... satisfying. Even the pain. [His head tilts up, butting gently against Cy's chin.] How are you?

[A thought occurs to him, then.]

You still have those pictures.

I'm okay. Processing.

（ it's neither good nor bad for him, it just is. but he'd expected bad — so it's something. a step beyond normal and expected, and into something more like spring.

at the question, he nods a bit, dipping his cheek down against the crown of sasuke's hair. ）

Yeah. Wanna see?

[He doesn't push for more from Cy, but naturally his attention is there — sensitive, observant, wanting to help Cy settle in the wake of the scene as much as possible.

Another nod, breath stirring against warm skin.]

You wrote something on my back. Didn't you?

（ he laughs, and then lifts his arm, turning his wrist so sasuke can see the watch display but leaving it for him to turn on. ）

A few somethings. It looked good on you, though.

[He does, extracting his hand from their embrace in order to manipulate the Watch's interface — pulling up the series of images Cy had captured of the last hour or so. He navigates the library, starting from the last pictures first, his messy face and lower body and the wax-painted scrawl of words on his back.

Oh. The writing's vulgarity burns up into his face, not immune to what he's looking at, even if he knows he's only looking at himself.]

I should have known. [A huff is meant to disguise his own glimmer of embarrassment, and the arousal sharp at its heels.] But... this one?

[He points at cum dumpster, specifically.]

（ and he — laughs, a noise that's soft and pitched low as he presses a kiss to sasuke's hair. ）

Too much?

I didn't say that. It just surprised me.

[Yes, he's still blushing, but at least he's not shy enough to try and hide it. He lets the Watch's interface dim — noticeably not asking Cy to delete the images. At least not right now.]

Do you want to return to your room? We'll have more space.

I'm okay for right now if you are.

（ he steals another kiss, teeth catching gingerly at sasuke's bottom lip. ）

I like that it smells like us.

Mm. It does.

[That strong scent of sex, and sweat, mixed slightly with melted wax and the aromatic cream Cy had rubbed into his skin. Craning into the kiss, he hums low in his throat, lifting his right hand to touch the back of his neck where it has already been treated with disinfectant.]

And you bit me. [This he murmurs against Cy's mouth.] I liked that.

（ don't touch it you little weirdo omg. cy pulls his hand away and cages their fingers together. ）

I didn't mean to draw blood. （ massive hickey, yes — blood? less so. ） But I figured it wasn't more than you could take.

[But he wants to obsessively trace the teeth imprint......]

It wasn't. More than I could take. [That, at least, Cy knows well about him.] I know the mark won't last more than a little while... but I almost wish that it would.

[If Cy left scars on him, he would be proud to wear them.]

I like that it doesn't.

（ it's said gently, as he hooks his ankle against the back of one of sasuke's legs and pulls him in close. there's a warmth between their bodies, beneath the blanket he'd thrown over them both, that's almost intoxicating. ）

It means I get to do it again, and again, and again, and again...

（ that's murmured as he ducks his head against sasuke's throat, teeth grazing against his skin. ）

Hm. That part isn't so bad, you're right.

[The warmth is a little dizzying after so much stimulation, but he nestles easily into it, shivering at the blunt tease of teeth on his neck, pressing his cheek to the spot on Cy's throat where the rhythm of his heart is strongest.]

If it means I can have that forever.

[Sorry no he will not stop speaking in these worryingly permanent ways.]

（ 'forever' is a hard word to live up to, but cy simply strokes his hair as they settle into each other's negative space. ）

Get some rest. I love you.

I love you too.

[No hesitation — the words slip into French, though, in his effort to continue practicing that language. It feels wholly natural to say. Then he tucks in, lulled to rest by the cradle of Cy's arms. At some point it had become so much harder to sleep without holding and being held by this man — and he does not want to consider a reality where he will ever have to become accustomed to its lack once again.]

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we are free