chokuto

Mm.

（ it's a thoughtful sound, said as he makes room for sasuke against his side, lifting an arm so he can scoot under it, lowering it again across his shoulders once he's settled. ）

Maybe I used to once — I don't remember if my world was like yours or not, originally, you know? But somewhere along the way I stopped caring about that. Like, love me a good set of tits and all, but a body's just a place the soul stays for a while, to get all existential about it. I like people because they're kind, or clever, or they care about injustice, or they're survivors, or poets. The way that they treat the lowest members of society when they think no one can see them. I care about the books they've read, the sunsets they've seen, the way they like their food or wear their hair or draw little shapes in the frost of a glass window. Those things aren't anchored to one physical sex over the other.

（ his hand slips inside sasuke's shirt, just tracing along the line of his collarbone absently. ）

But I've also had a long time to figure that out about myself, and it's not necessarily a 'better' or truer way of being, you know? People have preferences for a reason. Sexuality isn't a binary, it's a pretty broad spectrum. I've known men who mostly liked men, but were still into a very specific woman or type of woman — and I've known men who thought they were straight until they met a man they just really clicked with, but they've never been interested in another guy before or since. Same with women. Straight people exist too, I guess, but in places where there's bigotry against The Queers that one's harder to pin down, because you never know who's straight because they're actually straight, or who's straight-presenting because they can't accept another part of themselves, or they're afraid, or whatever else the barrier to entry might be.

[He listens, slipping into the resonant stream of Cy's voice as usual, touched by the expansiveness of the way he describes other people. There's clear affection there, the sort of warmth he's come to recognize as so integral to who Cyram is in light of the millennia he's endured. A place the soul stays for a while. Occasionally, Cy seems to speak poetry in his own words.

That there is complexity helps as well. He doesn't know if it's what he prefers himself — only men — but so far it's where his attraction has pointed him. Taking on a name for that attraction, however, is not something he's keen to do. Perhaps he'll understand better with time.

The arm around Cy tightens, and he looks up at the ceiling.]

Then I don't mind if you're with women. Everything else I specified remains the same. [He considers withholding this, but —] There's an [extremely stupid] ability in my dimension that allows a person to transform themselves physically. Someone— Naruto, [let's just out him right now] adapted it to be able to change someone's sex. It's a simple, cheap distraction tactic.

[Whether or not he's sharing this because he's actually into the idea or because he's feeling competitive with some yet-to-be-named Woman, hard to say.]

Anyway, it's something I could do. Theoretically. I've never tried it.

[Because it's stupid and embarrassing and did he mention STUPID.]

Huh.

( what... does he do??? with that??? Information???

excuse him he is PROCESSING NARUTO ADJACENT WEIRDNESS. )

Well, that's... is that something you'd want to try?

( he's been in plenty of worlds where technology is advanced enough to alter someone's body to match their mental interiority, and he's met magic users who could cast illusions — but ne'er the twain had met until this moment and he's a little mindblown tbqh??? )

[Shinobiland is also still trying to process Naruto adjacent weirdness.]

If you want to try it.

[This is probably not the right answer.]

... I'm not against the idea, but — I don't know how I would like having a woman's body. For that.

Okay.

( he lifts a hand to stroke at sasuke's hair. being introduced to a new concept is more bafflingly novel than difficult to navigate, though, so when he speaks he sounds certain of himself. )

Let's tweak the language a bit there, though. It wouldn't be a woman's body, it would be yours with some changes. Being physically female wouldn't erase or negate that you're a man.

( although maybe he should be careful to frame it that way. after a moment — )

Hey, actually let me back that up. Is there a chance this is maybe a gender thing for you? Quick recap — a body's sex is biological, gender is more social construct/mental perception, so you can have people that vibe with a gender that doesn't align with their physical body. Either is totally normal and fine — it just changes my approach to this whole idea, okay?

Edited 2024-02-07 05:44 (UTC)

[This might be a more challenging concept to wrap his mind around than BDSM and pain play.]

I know that I would still be me, but my body would be different. So wouldn't it make me feel different, too? And then there's how I would look to others. You.

[Listen, the patriarchy runs deep and his education on gender versus sex in school was, to say the least, nonexistent.]

I think it's... [What did Cy call it?] A mental block. To that idea of being perceived as a woman.

I wouldn't perceive you any differently.

( he props himself up enough he can kiss sasuke's forehead, softly reassuring. )

I can't say I'd be mad about having new ways to get you off, a new hole to come in, or a pair of tits to play with. But I wouldn't want you to think I prefer you like that unless that's the body that ends up aligning more with how you see yourself.

[He's comfortable in his own body, but — it's hard to deny that part of himself willing to bend itself in any direction for Cy, even trying new things that had once seemed unlikely.]

I'll consider it. I don't think I'd want to do it with anyone else.

[Before Cy withdraws, he dares to take a kiss for himself, landing clumsily on one cheek.]

I'm feeling better now. If you need to, you can go back to fighting with people on the internet. [I mean, that's what Cy said he was doing!]

Edited (can’t believe i found another mistake) 2024-02-07 07:24 (UTC)

There's one more thing I wanna talk about first.

（ the internet can wait: how you know he's no true millennial. ）

I know it's not really a thing we've gotten into yet, but we've talked about pain play — and I think I'd struggle if you went to someone else for that. Not just as a jealousy or a possessiveness thing, though that'd be a part of it, but — I'd be afraid.

（ he gives sasuke a look, brow furrowed faintly upwards. ）

I haven't met anyone here I'd trust with you like that. Doesn't mean there isn't someone, or won't be someone in the future, but if you do meet anyone you want to explore that with I'd want to meet them first, or be in the room for a scene. It's not that I don't think you can handle yourself, it's just — doing that shit right matters to me, and you don't have the experience to know what 'right' looks like yet.

[The change of subject brings to mind that first attempt with the toy, and how quickly Cy had put a stop to it. How important this is to him.]

Okay. As you said, there's no one else I've found that I would trust with that either. But if that changes, you'll know first.

[In this moment, however, he finds his interest narrowing on Cy —]

Can we try it soon? Properly.

( his touch on sasuke's skin goes still for a span of heartbeats, and then picks up again as if the pause were only imagined. )

Yeah. What are you thinking?

[He falls thoughtfully silent; if he notices that hiccup, it's not significant enough to put any weight behind.]

I'm not sure. You're more educated on this than I am. What would be best to begin with for someone who is inexperienced? [...] You mentioned spanking before.

Spanking's pretty vanilla — mainstream — and it's not something that can really cause serious damage. It's also a good way to explore your reaction to pain in a controlled environment with sexual overtones.

（ aka: yes, it's a good beginner activity. ）

But it's not for everybody. I think because a lot of cultures treat it either as a corporal punishment for kids and adults, or one that's intended to humiliate it can carry some heavy connotations for some people, so it's okay if it's not your thing. For some people that's the allure. For others it's just the pain. The glutes are the biggest muscle group in the body, and in most cases the strongest — and there's no vital organs at risk of being immediately affected by a spanking, so people can take a lot of damage there before it starts to become a problem. Doesn't mean you can't cause permanent damage, but the risk is probably the lowest of anywhere else on the body.

It's not something my parents ever did to me that I can remember.

[Probably because his mother handed him to a five-year-old Itachi to raise, but anyway. Or closer to the truth — Sasuke wasn't a very disobedient child. And then, not long after, he was an orphan.]

You said you liked it. I want to try it with you.

Oh, I absolutely like it.

（ kulo vayn liked to torture people, but for all its imaginative exhaustion of physical pain, spanking wasn't on its radar. so, it's something that cy — adopted, adapted, took for himself. it's just — so fucking harmless comparatively. ）

Just name the time and place, sweetheart, and I'm all yours.

[Time and place? ... Here and now? No, he should exercise some restraint.]

Let's do it tomorrow. I'll come to your room.

[More excuses to hoard Cy's personal space.]

Okay.

（ clearly entirely disinterested in furthering the great internet debates of 2k24, he reaches for sasuke and then just bodily pulls him astride his hips. the neverending habit of 'putting sasuke where he wants him' at work, ladies and gents. ）

Do you want to do the negotiations now or then?

[He's accommodating, slowly, to the way Cy handles him, but it doesn't prevent the hitch of breath when he's pulled across the man's waist and it will never prevent the flare of arousal inspired.]

Let's do them now. [Is he saying this because he doesn't want to relinquish Cy yet? Yes.] How does it work? Negotiating something like this.

We talk about expectations, outcomes, limits. If we're adding roleplay to a scene, for instance, it could be where we'd do a review of what that might look like. Like... teacher/student role-playing is something that slots pretty naturally into a spanking scene.

( his hands settle against sasuke's thighs, in that place that's become so familiar to him now. )

We'd also talk about how many spanks, the amount of control you want over potentially adding more — like I could have you count them out, and if you decide you want more we'd agree beforehand that messing up the count adds another five or something, but I wouldn't introduce that element for a first time because it requires some knowledge of your body and reactions.

Hm. Since it is the first time, we should keep it simple.

[Teacher and student — of course, his mind naturally slips to how he'd called Cy sensei. Yet also with that is the memory of how he'd balked in the face of talking to Cy confidently in the moment. The fear of failure is preeminent; knowing himself, he'd rather minimize the potential to create those issues if they're trying out something so new.

His right hand falls, smoothing the fabric of Cy's shirt over his chest.]

I don't know what my limits would be. Something like that doesn't seem like it would be very painful, but we can set a lower number, and then increase based on my reaction. And... we can be ourselves. I'd feel more comfortable that way.

Oh, yeah. Sorry — I wouldn't do role-playing for a first scene like this either, I meant more as an example of what negotiations might involve.

( he captures sasuke's hand, his own pressing down atop it. )

Twenty's a good number to start, and you can safeword that down. I won't use a lot of force, either. Let's not think about an increase this time, I'd want you to know how you feel the day after first. You can decide if you want to be naked or wearing something — clothing will take the sting out of it a bit.

I see. [It helps to hear Cy’s explanation — to know what to expect ahead of time, even if this isn’t a situation where he feels that he will need to overly prepare.] Then, twenty.

[That captured hand turns over, braiding fingers together, toying with the interlaced hold thoughtfully.]

I don’t want to wear clothes. Is that all right?

[A bit of a hasty request, though it carries certainty.]

… I want to be able to feel your hand.

（ giving this kid the keys to his libido wasn't his worst idea, but goodly fucking christ the way that one simple, blunt statement sweeps through him leaving nothing but a razed fire of lust in its wake is intense. every nerve alight, and when he doesn't speak right away it's because he actually can't. ）

Ah. （ a breath gusts out of him, deliberately steady. ）

Yeah, that's — all right.

（ he disentangles their palms briefly — regretfully — to say: ）

Hold your palm up like this. I'll slap it with the force I'll use just so you're prepared. I'm assuming your tolerance is higher, but I'd rather start slow anyhow — we've got plenty of time to figure things out.

[As he's seen, Cy isn't so easily affected — even now the space of a reaction is subtle, mastered by the control of millennia, steadied in the span of a breath. Yet he's watching for it, mismatched eyes dark with the sort of focus of attention he pays to this man.

Another reassurance of time. Sasuke won't bring it into the conversation now, but that worry is still alive in him, that his time with Cy will be denied. Cut short too soon.

He expects that his tolerance is higher, too, and especially in the hand that he lifts to oblige the request. They have not been treated preciously. They're rough, battle-worn, broken and healed too many times to count, palm scorched by fire and lightning and countless weapons.]

Go ahead.

[Whatever he can handle, they aren't going slow only for his own sake. Cy needs that too.]

（ there is no immediate violence. instead, there is an almost worshipful touch that starts at the elbow and chases gentleness to the wrist. his hands reach for both sides of sasuke's, and his thumbs kiss the space across his palm, skirting the lines of fibrous muscle there, and then down each finger where the knots of impact, breaks and damage are like braille beneath his touch. the story it tells is neither pleasant nor esoteric to him — and his expression is still water as it swallows light in old sorrows.

once he's worked back to the elbow, he disengages the intensity of the touch, walks his fingertips up the vein and then looks up to catch sasuke's eye in warning, waiting for an acknowledging response before he actually hits him, the slap of his hand loud in the hush of the air.

it's not a wholly light impact — but it's not one that'll bruise, either. yet, from that point of contact, the warmth of a pleasant sting will reverb outwards like the ripple of a stone in a pond. ）

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