chokuto

Trust me, I don't want to share you with anyone else.

（ that, too, has the deep bite of sincerity to it. the way his intonation hooks beneath the ribs and carves a channel there. ）

Just because I can manage my jealousy doesn't mean I don't feel it either. It just means I've had the practice.

（ knives, as it happens, are a speciality of his. ）

There's a few ways we could approach it. Rules about certain acts, or certain people. Some partners keep a veto list, like — 'that person's fine, that person's a no', and they discuss things first. Some people specify no kissing, or no penetrative acts. Some people set aside certain days to spend in each other's company, or it's a 'go out and do whatever but be home by a certain time' thing. What do you think would work for you?

[Perhaps it shouldn't, but there's a comfort to know it isn't only him, that Cy feels the same even though he may have had more practice mastering the worst of it. And there is also a deeper, primal satisfaction — out of place, maybe, in this conversation that is approaching a healthy compromise — to have Cy's admission. It is one he will hold protectively close to his chest.]

I don't know that I can choose specifics. [It's so black and white to him. The whole act, or nothing.] I'll consider it.

There's no one who comes to mind yet that I wouldn't want you to engage. [Hm.] There is one other man here who I've kissed. It was before you and I met — Rokurou Rangetsu. I was also under the influence of something I consumed from the environment.

[Comparing what he feels for Cy, it's easier to put into perspective. It's more emotional.]

... You said it before, the acts of kindness and giving time. I don't want to share those things with anyone else. Or... the space we have together when we're alone. Our rooms. Is that possible?

I think we should probably have a blanket agreement that anything that happens under the influence of the crazy shit here doesn't count. The aphro, or whatever. That wouldn't be fair to either of us — we already know it fucks people up, all that would do is add a sense of shame and guilt.

（ but he nods, filing the name away. he'll ask about the guy at some point, but there's no place for it in the flexion of conversation now. ）

Yeah, of course. Room's off limits. The time and acts of service are yours. I also won't tell people some of the shit I've told you about my life — about Tak, or my first name. I want you to hold those things. Doesn't rule out people finding that shit out another way, but they won't hear it from me of my own volition.

[A nod. It helps to talk this out — to set these boundaries. He didn't think that it would.]

You're right. Those situations aren't something we're consenting to, in any case.

[Which is an uncomfortable reality, but it also shows that Sasuke has paid attention to the necessity of consent. How important it is to Cy. And it touches him deeply, that Cy would trust him with those pieces of himself, carefully safeguarded against the world.]

Is there anything you don't want me to share or do with someone else?

（ he thinks about it, which perhaps drives home just how seriously he's taking it. slow, concentric circles are smoothed out against his wrist, increasing in size until it's more a soft swipe of parenthesis across the veins and then narrowed back down again to a smaller circle. ）

I can think of a couple small things. You're allowed to veto them if they don't work for you. But when we were on that date （ yes it was a date sorry you have to deal with it now ） and I was handfeeding you, that's the sort of intimate thing it would probably bother me if you did it with someone else.

（ look, having sasuke lick cream off his fingers was probably the first overtly sexual thing the boy had ever done of his own free will in his life, and he kinda wants ownership of that. the second, though... ）

If you want anyone else to fuck you up the ass, that's fine （ crass again, his favourite way of speaking — ） but I wanna fuck you first. Thoughts?

[It's okay, he knew it was a date the minute Cy asked him.

The specific intimacy of the handfeeding earns another nod, a little distracted by the leisurely stroke of a wrist, as he always is when Cy touches him. That second stipulation, though — a frown curves his mouth, and he's unable to conceal how Cy's crudeness affects him. Color rises, unfortunately noticeable on a pale complexion.]

How would that work? If I was going to do it with someone else, [which honestly has not occurred to him, still reeling from their experience together —] would I come to see you first?

Yeah. I mean, spur of the moment shit or aphro notwithstanding, but if it's something you're planning for.

（ look, he knows that sasuke is probably not going to run out and throw himself ass first at the nearest guy. but it's a nice compromise, as these things go. ）

[A brow arches, and he leans, nudging one shoulder against Cy's.]

Okay. What's your reasoning for that? You explained the handfeeding.

（ excuse him while he chokes on a laugh. no, the laugh is not at sasuke (well, not at what he said) so much as pre-emptive knowledge of how he's going to take what cy has to say. ）

Oh my god. I took your virginity! The boldly untresspassed sanctity of your whole-ass anal cavity belongs to me, Sasuke.

（ he is so shameless it actually hurts, and as he says it he just hauls sasuke in closer and then chucks him down on the bed so he can lean over him, pinning his hand to the shoddy, shitty mattress with a slight thump of not entirely gentle command. ）

It's an ownership thing. I want you to think of me when other men are inside you. No easier way to have that happen than if I've recently marked my territory, huh?

[can you please not use words like ANAL CAVITY during this serious discussion]

You— [becomes closer to oof as he's bodily upended onto his own bed, Cy's looming presence above.] ... You're ridiculous.

[Is his face now red as a cherry tomato? Yes, though it's more for the latter explanation that follows than Cy's initial theatrics. Ownership. Unbidden, he feels warm everywhere.]

Fine. I don't think you'd have to do that to get me to think about you, but I don't mind.

( he grins triumphantly and bends down to steal a kiss which promptly turns into an all-out smotherfest of like affection. hope u like kisses, sasuke. )

Okay, now what about you?

[He puts up a modicum of defense so as to feel believable without actually pushing Cy away. Unhand him, scoundrel!!

But he sobers into a serious tone for the answer.]

Don't call them what you call me. That endearment. [Sweetheart.] And... if you can help it, if it's something you can plan or control, don't come inside of them.

That's it.

Turnabout's fair play. Sweetheart was already yours in my head anyway.

( it's said approvingly. pleased, evidently, at sasuke's growing capacity for communication. )

That a full blanket ban on all bodily orifices?

[Can't believe he's fixed Sasuke Uchiha.]

No. Just what we did. [Ahh, he should be specific — but that crassness is difficult for him.] The mouth is fine. Not... anywhere else.

（ turn him lose on the uchiha clan, he'll fuck every last one of them to sanity.

well.

maybe not madara. hashirama made that bed and he can lie in it, tbh.

cy slings a thigh across sasuke's hips and brings his hand up, kissing at his fingers.

very gently, ）

I do sleep with women too. It's okay if you don't want me to jizz in some gal's vagina — but is it going to bother you if I'm with women at all?

[Thankfully they're all very dead so Sasuke can't get jealous about Cy sleeping through his family tree.

That, he considers, tucking himself with neat familiarity in against Cy's body.]

I don't think it bothers me. But — do you prefer it? To being with men.

Mm.

（ it's a thoughtful sound, said as he makes room for sasuke against his side, lifting an arm so he can scoot under it, lowering it again across his shoulders once he's settled. ）

Maybe I used to once — I don't remember if my world was like yours or not, originally, you know? But somewhere along the way I stopped caring about that. Like, love me a good set of tits and all, but a body's just a place the soul stays for a while, to get all existential about it. I like people because they're kind, or clever, or they care about injustice, or they're survivors, or poets. The way that they treat the lowest members of society when they think no one can see them. I care about the books they've read, the sunsets they've seen, the way they like their food or wear their hair or draw little shapes in the frost of a glass window. Those things aren't anchored to one physical sex over the other.

（ his hand slips inside sasuke's shirt, just tracing along the line of his collarbone absently. ）

But I've also had a long time to figure that out about myself, and it's not necessarily a 'better' or truer way of being, you know? People have preferences for a reason. Sexuality isn't a binary, it's a pretty broad spectrum. I've known men who mostly liked men, but were still into a very specific woman or type of woman — and I've known men who thought they were straight until they met a man they just really clicked with, but they've never been interested in another guy before or since. Same with women. Straight people exist too, I guess, but in places where there's bigotry against The Queers that one's harder to pin down, because you never know who's straight because they're actually straight, or who's straight-presenting because they can't accept another part of themselves, or they're afraid, or whatever else the barrier to entry might be.

[He listens, slipping into the resonant stream of Cy's voice as usual, touched by the expansiveness of the way he describes other people. There's clear affection there, the sort of warmth he's come to recognize as so integral to who Cyram is in light of the millennia he's endured. A place the soul stays for a while. Occasionally, Cy seems to speak poetry in his own words.

That there is complexity helps as well. He doesn't know if it's what he prefers himself — only men — but so far it's where his attraction has pointed him. Taking on a name for that attraction, however, is not something he's keen to do. Perhaps he'll understand better with time.

The arm around Cy tightens, and he looks up at the ceiling.]

Then I don't mind if you're with women. Everything else I specified remains the same. [He considers withholding this, but —] There's an [extremely stupid] ability in my dimension that allows a person to transform themselves physically. Someone— Naruto, [let's just out him right now] adapted it to be able to change someone's sex. It's a simple, cheap distraction tactic.

[Whether or not he's sharing this because he's actually into the idea or because he's feeling competitive with some yet-to-be-named Woman, hard to say.]

Anyway, it's something I could do. Theoretically. I've never tried it.

[Because it's stupid and embarrassing and did he mention STUPID.]

Huh.

( what... does he do??? with that??? Information???

excuse him he is PROCESSING NARUTO ADJACENT WEIRDNESS. )

Well, that's... is that something you'd want to try?

( he's been in plenty of worlds where technology is advanced enough to alter someone's body to match their mental interiority, and he's met magic users who could cast illusions — but ne'er the twain had met until this moment and he's a little mindblown tbqh??? )

[Shinobiland is also still trying to process Naruto adjacent weirdness.]

If you want to try it.

[This is probably not the right answer.]

... I'm not against the idea, but — I don't know how I would like having a woman's body. For that.

Okay.

( he lifts a hand to stroke at sasuke's hair. being introduced to a new concept is more bafflingly novel than difficult to navigate, though, so when he speaks he sounds certain of himself. )

Let's tweak the language a bit there, though. It wouldn't be a woman's body, it would be yours with some changes. Being physically female wouldn't erase or negate that you're a man.

( although maybe he should be careful to frame it that way. after a moment — )

Hey, actually let me back that up. Is there a chance this is maybe a gender thing for you? Quick recap — a body's sex is biological, gender is more social construct/mental perception, so you can have people that vibe with a gender that doesn't align with their physical body. Either is totally normal and fine — it just changes my approach to this whole idea, okay?

Edited 2024-02-07 05:44 (UTC)

[This might be a more challenging concept to wrap his mind around than BDSM and pain play.]

I know that I would still be me, but my body would be different. So wouldn't it make me feel different, too? And then there's how I would look to others. You.

[Listen, the patriarchy runs deep and his education on gender versus sex in school was, to say the least, nonexistent.]

I think it's... [What did Cy call it?] A mental block. To that idea of being perceived as a woman.

I wouldn't perceive you any differently.

( he props himself up enough he can kiss sasuke's forehead, softly reassuring. )

I can't say I'd be mad about having new ways to get you off, a new hole to come in, or a pair of tits to play with. But I wouldn't want you to think I prefer you like that unless that's the body that ends up aligning more with how you see yourself.

[He's comfortable in his own body, but — it's hard to deny that part of himself willing to bend itself in any direction for Cy, even trying new things that had once seemed unlikely.]

I'll consider it. I don't think I'd want to do it with anyone else.

[Before Cy withdraws, he dares to take a kiss for himself, landing clumsily on one cheek.]

I'm feeling better now. If you need to, you can go back to fighting with people on the internet. [I mean, that's what Cy said he was doing!]

Edited (can’t believe i found another mistake) 2024-02-07 07:24 (UTC)

There's one more thing I wanna talk about first.

（ the internet can wait: how you know he's no true millennial. ）

I know it's not really a thing we've gotten into yet, but we've talked about pain play — and I think I'd struggle if you went to someone else for that. Not just as a jealousy or a possessiveness thing, though that'd be a part of it, but — I'd be afraid.

（ he gives sasuke a look, brow furrowed faintly upwards. ）

I haven't met anyone here I'd trust with you like that. Doesn't mean there isn't someone, or won't be someone in the future, but if you do meet anyone you want to explore that with I'd want to meet them first, or be in the room for a scene. It's not that I don't think you can handle yourself, it's just — doing that shit right matters to me, and you don't have the experience to know what 'right' looks like yet.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject