chokuto

[He has not fought so hard to hold his composure since — early on, he suspects, back when this was still new and uncharted territory, back when he yet feared Cy's perception of him. As if to be expressive in that way, through vulnerability, might paint him as weak and undesirable. Cy has taught him otherwise with enough evocative praise, so he knows better now; Cy likes to hear him respond, likes to see him react.

This is different, a challenge issued under the circumstances of a punishment. And so he tries to reach for that part of himself once more, finding habit slippery and unpracticed, mouth yielding to the soft piece of cake brought to his lips. Like that first date — and no one else has fed him this way so intimately, per their rules.

A nod to show he understands. That range is vast and seems arbitrary, but he obeys nonetheless.]

Four thousand and one.

（ his mouth quirks up at one corner. ）

Prime number. Divisible only by itself and one. It's got a twin prime, too — 4003. Represented by the Roman numerals: I̅V̅I̅.

（ fun math facts with cy, who has absolutely taught math before. ）

Add the individual numerals together, and you get five.

（ so, he lifts the remote and changes not the intensity — five would be a little too high — but the type of vibration by five little taps. sasuke will feel it cycle through its vibration settings — constant, pulsing, an erratic cadence with little rhyme or reason, a series of stoic morse-code styled vibrations that are sharp and high, and finally a settle into one that starts off discrete and low and builds, and builds, and builds — until the crescendo holds you at the peak of the vibration strength for several desperate seconds and then drops you back to the bottom. ）

Let me feel.

（ he gestures for sasuke to come closer — even knowing it's torment — so he can slip his hand beneath the hem of his shirt and press his palm flat, low on his belly to feel it as it moves through the cycle, little shockwaves felt through skin. ）

[Where normally there would lie fascination toward the subject of math and Cy's proficiency over it, now Sasuke is just too — distracted. He jolts as soon as he senses the vibration change inside of him, remembering how Cy had showed him this feature but not expecting it to be used. He finds himself holding his breath until it settles on the altered mode after five deliberate clicks.

Worse, somehow, than the low-level constancy of that first setting. Like this he cannot ignore it, cannot adjust and acclimate to the sensation deep-seated inside of him — the continual swell keeps him on its edge, brought to a high thrum and dropped back down to near-nothing. Sasuke outright squirms on the blanket where his legs are folded beneath him; even his chosen position is no protection against this.

But he'd never deny Cy. And so, with effort, he drags himself closer in a shuffle of knees and — touches his forehead down against Cy's shoulder with a full-body shiver. He is still mostly silent and unwilling to let the effect show otherwise, but he doesn't stop that warm hand as it finds his belly, only flinches a little at the caress for how sensitive he feels.]

Cy...

Shh.

（ his touch is gentle, skimming across that sensitive spot and then withdrawing. he even rearranges sasuke's shirt neatly, smoothing it down against him as his free hand lifts to card at his hair. ）

Lay down. Put your head in my lap.

[It's almost merciful, those instructions. He's been holding himself upright and rigid for long enough, clutching at composure desperately, that it's beginning to wear on him. And he wouldn't have laid down on his own. So Cy gives him the excuse, buckling downward, stretching himself out on the blanket and tucking his head into Cy's warm lap, trying not to shake.]

It's so intense. I don't want — anyone to notice.

[So far, no one passing through the gardens has given the pair a second glance, but he's too aware of that openness around them, that potential of attracting eyes, exposing himself in this state to some stranger who doesn't know him. He takes refuge in Cy's presence, turning his cheek to hide the overheated color of his face against one thigh.]

You're doing so good, sweetheart. I don't think anyone's noticed at all. I love watching you be all brave and stoic while you're fighting not to come apart for me. Let me know when you think you've taken what you deserve, and we can go back to my room.

（ he reaches for another little delicacy, and nudges it in against sasuke's mouth. ）

I'm not going to fuck you, though. This is the only relief you get until later tonight, when I give you everything you asked for.

（ once sasuke obediently opens his mouth, cy thumbs the new morsel into his mouth, and then closes his mouth so he has no choice but to chew it. his other hand, meanwhile, skims down his body possessively. ）

[He takes the piece of food into his mouth, unable to keep from licking at Cy's fingers after, pursuing the taste — enjoying them against his mouth, some learned part of him orally fixated beneath that heavy haze of arousal. Sasuke makes a low sound of protest at that denial even if it was already expected. The hand that strokes down his body only makes it worse, makes him more aware of the throb of the toy inside of him, too thick, tormenting him in that state of desire without satisfaction in sight.

Because he wants Cy to fuck him, and this punishment only drives home that indelible fact. Waiting hours from now seems like an impossible task.]

Then, can I at least come?

[It would be again, since Cy had gotten him off beforehand, but — it's not enough. His cock is aching, lust like a wound in his body burning through sensitive nerves, making him hot, squirming on the blanket where he lies.]

（ his hand settles just below the sternum, thumb stroking against sasuke's breastbone almost absentmindedly. ）

Do you need to?

（ that's phrased mindfully — is it a need and not only a want. he has never denied sasuke anything when he's asked — but there's no denying that he likes refusing him, too. only ever as long as sasuke can stand it, at least. ）

I don't... need to.

[A reluctant admission in the context of this torment, but he's not going to lie. He just wants it. He wants — something that will meet that itch under his skin, drawn out in perpetuity.]

How am I supposed to know? [The question is almost all breath, a strain to manage speech.] When it's enough. When I'm done.

[He doesn't want to give up too early — what is Cy waiting for, from him?]

（ he hums out a thoughtful sound, and his fingers drag a little in his shirt, gathering loose fabric against his palm and smoothing it out again like a reflexive shiver of movement. his voice is low, just a little rough when he replies — ）

When the sensation of denying yourself a reaction to the torment sparks like livewires beneath your skin. When the urgency bites at your nerves, and you feel like you need to come more than you want to please me.

（ he bends down, and drops a kiss against sasuke's forehead. ）

That's when. And then we can go, and you can get off in our room before I pack you up and ship you back to yours so you can lay in bed for hours with a plug up your ass and your cock so hard it aches, imagining what I'm going to do to you.

[—you feel like you need to come more than you want to please me.

Never. He never wants anything to overcome that desire to please this man, but even as he vows it internally to himself, a high pulse of vibration from the toy nested inside of him shocks him into mental silence — no thought crosses his mind for those throbbing seconds after. He rubs his thighs together for some friction against his cock through fabric, attention to his surroundings beginning to slip like a blur of water across eyes. Or perhaps those are real tears gathered in the filament of dark lashes from the strain.

A slight roll of movement puts him halfway on his back, and — Sasuke swallows a gasp as the toy inside of him shifts right up against that tender bundle of nerves deep in, prostate sparking an unbearable wave of pleasure that takes him to the brink of self-composure. He reins himself against it, and fails, dwelling on that whispered promise a moment too long.

Humiliatingly, Sasuke feels orgasm spill out of him in a rush, soaking clothes. He cries out, bitten, and then tries to sit bolt upright with a terrified look around them to ensure he wasn't seen, fear and shame washing out any desire to bask in the warmth after.]

（ his response is immediate — when sasuke sits up, cy grabs him and hauls him into his lap in a blink, and there's the sideways slip into the void as he lifts a hand to cover his eyes. the blanket and its contents are abandoned, and then they're back in the shelter and safety of the room, with bare seconds having passed since that orgasm was wrung out of him. ）

Hey, it's okay. C'mere. No one saw.

（ no one was close enough to notice in the moment, anyway — and they were quick enough to depart. that outcry of sound could've been anything.

for now, he just wraps both arms around him, cradling him in close, stroking his hair. ）

It's okay. You did so good. It was just new to you, that's all. No shame, sweetheart. We're alone now, just relax, I've got you.

[Sorry. It sits heavy on his tongue, and if not for all of the times Cy has told him there is no shame in this, in coming too soon, it would have fallen out of his mouth on impulse alone. Instead he fights it down and allows himself to be drawn into the embrace, face hot with lingering embarrassment on top of the trembling effect of an intense orgasm.]

I thought I was doing fine. [It's not — a negative criticism of himself, or at least he doesn't think it is, but upon reflection...] I couldn't tell.

[His composure had shattered so quickly. Sasuke sighs, beginning to relax in the steady strength of Cy's arms and familiar privacy of their room.]

Next time, I'll do better. [So, perhaps it is a critique.] Can you — turn it off?

Sometimes it's like that. The vibration can throw off your self-awareness.

（ ah, he left the remote there. it takes him a moment to visualize the place, and to think of where the remote had been relative to his body before he can pull it back. a slight miscalculation means that part of the picnic blanket comes with it, a frayed bit of blue that he tuts at before turning the toy off, setting its expansion back to baseline, and setting the remote aside. ）

You don't need to do better, Sasuke. You were perfect, you always are. Don't be too hard on yourself. You've never dealt with vibration like that before, and we hadn't practiced with the different settings. （ he strokes against the side of his neck, and then lifts his chin for a kiss. ）

You're lovely no matter what. Let's get you out of these pants.

Okay.

[The intensity of sensation calms after the toy stills, shrinking inside of him, no longer chafing against sensitive inner muscle. He would have liked it, another time — he has already learned that continuous pressure to his prostate even after orgasm is an experience unlike any other. But right now his mood has dimmed to cool-burning embers, and he just — wants to be with Cy.

After he's peeled out of his pants and underwear, Sasuke works a hand behind himself to try and pry the toy loose, gently, head craning to look.]

I still want to do the scene we planned later tonight.

We will.

( as sasuke does that, cy grabs the cleaning supplies and pulls out the box of wet wipes, gently tending to the mess. )

Do you want to cuddle and be all gross and affectionate or do you want me to dick you down? Forget what I said earlier, I just want to make you feel good.

Edited (fuuuuuck) 2024-05-13 04:11 (UTC)

[And like that, the snarl of emotion lingering in him is gone. He drops the toy onto a towel, then rolls it up to be more thoroughly cleaned later and sets the bundle aside.]

Lay down with me and kiss me. Talk to me about something. [He could go a lifetime and it still wouldn't be enough 'gross and affectionate' with this man.] I want you to fuck me in my room during that scene, like you promised. Not yet.

[That anticipation is a burning flame in him now.]

（ obligingly, he nests beside sasuke, slinging a leg over him, resuming that gentle contact for its own sake. his fingers chase up one hip, across to his flank, and then repeat in a soothing repetition of motion. he does kiss him, a slow and tender thing that's more about intimacy than the specific throughput of the touch. ）

I mentioned the teaching. （ it's as good a topic as any. and it's something he thinks sasuke would like to know more about. ） Usually it's math, or engineering or architecture. I don't really teach kids so much, normally it's adults — but every once in a while it's a younger crowd. Sometimes you need that enthusiasm and joy, you know?

（ his voice is just a little faraway as he speaks. ）

It's been a long time since I've done that, though. I miss it — I enjoy teaching for its own sake. Maybe it's because I get to live long enough to see the way that teaching people echoes outwards. You know, you stop off in a little village and teach people how to do basic civil engineering for irrigation and so on and so forth, and then in five hundred years it's a thriving metropolis that leads their nation in the practice.

（ he breathes out, slow. he doesn't need to explain to sasuke, of all people, that he finds peace so much more in the process of creation than in destruction. he's not so naïve to think that he alone can build a brighter future for a person, a place, a culture, a people — but he knows that he's helped. and that's enough. ）

If you could take anything you know now — or learn anything — and teach it to others, what would you do?

Teaching suits you.

[A comment meant with sincerity as he tucks closer into the embrace, settled by the weight of Cy's leg over his body and the pattern of fingertips in their aimless course. It makes sense to him — Cy would want to have a positive influence over people, no matter how small, and he is intelligent, engaging, patient. He fits that picture of authority well, certainly even more for the fact that he is able to see the outcome.]

... I haven't thought about it. In my world, many shinobi go on to become the sensei of a team of genin. [He glances to Cy, studies those familiar features. He could map them with eyes closed.] Genin are the lowest rank, usually they've just graduated the Academy. I was twelve when I became a genin. [As a reference point.]

It's not something I've imagined for myself, even if I might be an ideal candidate for that sort of role. All I have to teach are the skills I've learned on the battlefield. And I don't believe I'd handle... children well, as students.

[He falls quiet, seeming to stew over this, uncertain of how to explain his thoughts.]

I'd like to learn more things, however. I suppose I could start there.

Edited (i always mix up the age) 2024-05-14 02:13 (UTC)

（ will he ever learn something about sasuke's world that doesn't make him angry, asking for a friend. he leans in and presses a kiss to sasuke's shoulder, and then: ）

There's a lot of transferable skills between the battlefield and even a peaceful life. Strategy, restraint, compassion, awareness of your surroundings — those can be valuable to anyone, anywhere.

（ and the part about children, he nuzzles in against his cheek. ）

You would. It would just take some work — and you're good at that part. It's okay even if you make mistakes, because showing that to kids is valuable. If you teach them it's okay to fail because the more important thing is trying again, that's something they can internalize and build from.

（ and given what he's said of itachi, that was something that dogged his steps in his own childhood. striving to some unobtainable standard. ）

But learning is always a good foundation to start from. Any grand ideas?

[He's quiet at Cy's encouragement, clearly giving it deeper thought even if he can't say that he is convinced. There are moments where Cy makes him want to believe it could be different — and perhaps this is one of those times.]

I wouldn't want to... mess them up.

[Breeding may be his kink, but the actual thought of having a malleable little human in his hand is a terrifying prospect. How many times can he make a mistake before it becomes an irreversible negative influence?]

And I'm not certain. I became interested in learning new languages, and math, because of you... but I won't be knowledgeable enough to teach on those subjects. At this age, it would take too long to become an expert.

[hello i am not a whole healthy person, also i expected to be dead by now]

（ 'too long' oh my god, sasuke, please.

he lifts a hand up and just swats at the back of sasuke's head — more to ruffle his hair than make actual impact. ）

Sasuke, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. There's no such thing as a perfectly sane, healthy, well-adjusted adult. We are all fucked up in one way or another. But kids are resilient, and you have so much love to give — you'll learn the rest. You might mess them up, sure. But you might not. And isn't that worth trying?

（ he nests closer, wrapping himself around sasuke in a way that leaves no space between their bodies. ）

You know, in the last world I was from, an eighteen year old is barely even considered an adult in most cultures. For the most part, they aren't expected to have their shit together or know what they want to do with their lives, or have even picked or started a career path yet. Your world puts an incredible amount of pressure and strain on people far too young, and I know it's hard to set that aside — but you can, here. I'll help you.

[He mock-fights against that hand in his hair, but not enough to free himself — and certainly all struggle stalls as soon as he's wrapped up deeper into the embrace, head tucked neatly under a chin. It's a position he has come to crave, enjoying the shelter of warmth and the vibration of Cy's voice in his throat close to an ear.

It feels safe.]

You make me want to try.

[They're still on the subject of teaching, but his heart has gone further than that — all of Cy's positive influence, all of the desire to be with him, compounded in the want for family. Children terrify him, but less when he's held in these arms.]

Adults might be easier, but I'm also not the best with people. I tend to be too blunt. In the past, I never cared if I offended someone for speaking my mind. [was he wrong tho] You're good with them. Other people. You've had a lot of practice, I imagine.

（ he makes a soft murmur of sound that manifests more as a warm rumble, pressing a kiss to sasuke's hair. ）

I think you don't give yourself enough credit.

（ there's a gentle little nudge to his shoulder. ）

You often say you're bad at something like you're trying to reinforce it to yourself, or like you announce it as a form of penance. You aren't bad with people — you said it yourself, I've had practice. You haven't had that chance. Sweetheart, if you met me... even after Tak, I would've blown you outta the water with how rude and blunt I was back then.

（ he'd been more withdrawn, perhaps — but he hadn't been interested in connections, then. in seeking solace in other people. that had taken centuries to build up. ）

[There's a soft sigh at that nudge, and he hooks his chin over Cy's shoulder, right hand slipping beneath the hem of a shirt to find warm skin.]

You may be right.

[It's in his nature to be critical of himself — after a childhood of expected perfection, after an adolescence spent learning how to excel in only one thing. He does wonder how it would be to meet Cy so young, although the thought does not go so far. It's difficult to imagine Cy as rude or blunt against the picture of the man he's come to know.]

I don't think I could sit through a lesson with you formally. [At this point, they've ventured enough times into kink surrounding that dynamic that his perception is tainted, probably.] I wouldn't be able to focus.

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